Today’s the day, week one

Today’s the day that I get really serious about this whole losing weight thing; and to be honest my concern isn’t so much about losing a bunch of weight (although wouldn’t it be nice?) as much as getting off my butt and feeling good about myself. I’ve always struggled with eating things I shouldn’t, feeling gross and down on myself all the time and wanting to get up and be active but not having the motivation to do it every day. It’s going to be different this time though, this time I’ve enlisted my boyfriend as my personal counselor; he’ll be helping make sure that I don’t eat any fast food / too many sweets each day and also in charge of making sure I get in at least 30 minutes of activity a day. Now I realize that there’s only so much he can do and the rest is on me which is why my plan is to go to the gym everyday for at least 30 minutes after work (I mean I work right down the street from it…) or workout at home with him and also to start eating healthier everyday… RESIST THE COOKIES SHELBY.

All I keep thinking about right now is the fact that I want to feel good about myself this summer and not embarrassed about the way that I look, and also the fact that I’m in my sisters wedding next spring and need to look AMAZING in my bridesmaids dress because there’s going to be sooooo many pictures and do I really want to look at myself and think “Ewe”?? I’ve tried this many times before and unfortunately I’ve never been able to stick with it because I lose my motivation. I’ve never cared about what people think of me so I think I’ve let myself go a little bit more than I ever wanted, not that I’m even close to overweight but it’s the fact that I feel so bad about myself lately. SO, today’s the day that I start getting really serious about this, they say it only take four weeks before you start noticing changes in yourself and eight before other people start noticing as well. We’ll see how long I can keep this up!

P.s. I’ll be giving weekly updates and would love to hear any neat weight loss tips & tricks you guys might have for me to try.

Loving yourself isn’t always as easy as they make it seem~

My demon has always been my weight; it’s always “I’m not skinny enough” or “ew, look at my rolls”.  Now, I know I don’t look big when you’re looking at me but what really gets me down is when I’m looking down on my own body. I can see every bump, lump and roll there is from up here and I won’t lie it’s really hard to accept myself for the way that I am sometimes. I’ve read articles about that “extra layer” that some women have on their stomach (I like to call it my poof, some people call it a beer gut but you get the point) is to protect the vital organs down there, but if that’s the case why doesn’t everyone have a poof like mine? I just think that’s plain bullshit man. Not to mention the fact that all of this is the damn pills fault, I was on the Depo shot for almost 4 years and never gained weight until I got back onto the damned pill. That was the Biggest. Mistake. Ever. Now I have an IUD and I’m really hoping that I’ll start losing the weight naturally because honestly I’m so tired of feeling like less than myself because of the number that shows up when I step on a scale. If I had the opportunity to get a free fix for any part of my body it would 100% be my stomach. I love everything else about myself, but I guess there always has to be that one thing, right?!  Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m beautiful, sexy and confident but I know that if I could at least flatten out my stomach a bit I’d feel so much better about myself. I wouldn’t have to hide from my partner because I’m embarrassed. Hell, I would even have sex with the lights on! I’ve tried teas, detox’s, pills, videos, eating better, and going to the gym all of which (of course) aren’t working the way that I want them to. I guess it’ll probably be a never ending struggle because lets be real, I LOVE food and I don’t think I could ever give up what I love for diets. Plus I wouldn’t last 10 minutes dieting. So the way I see the situation at this point is I’d rather die fat and happy than hungry and sad!