The struggle is real… (Week two update)

So today marks one week from the day I declared to be better, and let me tell you it hasn’t exactly been easy. It’s definitely an adjustment and all about attempting little goals and I think I did pretty well for being someone who likes to go home from work and get straight into bed, lol. I worked out a couple times throughout the week (my goal has been at least two-three days a week), and a big triumph for me has been staying away from the goodies! I’ve started taking vitamins every morning, bringing snacks in after lunch (carrots / veggie straws etc) which is a good alternative from the yummy cookies at work. I’ve also been eating about every 3 hours (I read somewhere that it really helps your metabolism?), and I’ve been trying to drink at least 3-4 bottles of water a day, NO SODA / TEA SHELBY (& I know that’s not good enough but it is compared to where I was before!!!).

I’m sure these all seem like really tiny things that I probably should’ve been doing all of this time but achieving all those little things are really big wins for me. Now, I’m not even close to where I want to be yet but I’m hoping with a little discipline over each week, I’ll slowly ease myself into what I want to be. It’s definitely going to take some time but so far with each little win, I feel a little better about the person looking back at me in the mirror 🙂

Today’s the day, week one

Today’s the day that I get really serious about this whole losing weight thing; and to be honest my concern isn’t so much about losing a bunch of weight (although wouldn’t it be nice?) as much as getting off my butt and feeling good about myself. I’ve always struggled with eating things I shouldn’t, feeling gross and down on myself all the time and wanting to get up and be active but not having the motivation to do it every day. It’s going to be different this time though, this time I’ve enlisted my boyfriend as my personal counselor; he’ll be helping make sure that I don’t eat any fast food / too many sweets each day and also in charge of making sure I get in at least 30 minutes of activity a day. Now I realize that there’s only so much he can do and the rest is on me which is why my plan is to go to the gym everyday for at least 30 minutes after work (I mean I work right down the street from it…) or workout at home with him and also to start eating healthier everyday… RESIST THE COOKIES SHELBY.

All I keep thinking about right now is the fact that I want to feel good about myself this summer and not embarrassed about the way that I look, and also the fact that I’m in my sisters wedding next spring and need to look AMAZING in my bridesmaids dress because there’s going to be sooooo many pictures and do I really want to look at myself and think “Ewe”?? I’ve tried this many times before and unfortunately I’ve never been able to stick with it because I lose my motivation. I’ve never cared about what people think of me so I think I’ve let myself go a little bit more than I ever wanted, not that I’m even close to overweight but it’s the fact that I feel so bad about myself lately. SO, today’s the day that I start getting really serious about this, they say it only take four weeks before you start noticing changes in yourself and eight before other people start noticing as well. We’ll see how long I can keep this up!

P.s. I’ll be giving weekly updates and would love to hear any neat weight loss tips & tricks you guys might have for me to try.

Working hard, or hardly working?

Is it just me or is it really hard to stay in the groove at work sometimes? I mean, there’s only so much you can do to keep yourself busy (especially when you’ve already watered the plants & dusted 100 times). We love our jobs and we love our bosses, but sometimes it’d be heaven if they could take things from our point of view also. Now, of course being on our phones or Facebook / Pinterest / yahoo all day is unacceptable (come on, we’re all guilty here) but realistically you can only file what there is to be filed & clean / organize things so many times. Bosses are always incredibly busy, their the head honcho and they get to make all the calls but us receptionists are not quite as lucky; we don’t always have a project to get lost in and there’s not always a customer in need of our service so we’ve got to entertain ourselves somehow, right? My personal favorite is keeping up on political / beauty DIY articles (on yahoo) or my new found love; playing Sudoku. Super lame, I know, but it turns out its really fun and makes the day go by just a little bit faster. I guess pretending to be busy whenever they walk by is a solid way to go, because really, you can’t honestly stay 100% busy for an entire 8 hour shift..

A little Tuesday inspo✨

I got a phone call from someone very close to me asking for relationship advice today (hint; it was my mom). It’s always a funny thing when your parents come to you for advice, but it’s a good feeling just the same. Now, just for the record, my mom and I don’t have the best luck with relationships; we always seem to strike out. The funny thing though is that right now we’re both actually in a good place with some good people (finally, right?!) and of course we still have our troubles and doubts which is why we girls have got to lean on each other for time to time (if you couldn’t tell my mom and I are very close). Anyways, it’s so reassuring to see that my mom still has the same trouble/thoughts/feelings that I do! & it’s so great to be able to help her and give her the same advice and wisdom she’s been giving me for so long!

If you’re having issues with the person you love and have to spend every day & night with, the 100% best thing you can do to solve your issues or your anxiety is to talk to that person about what your feeling. Sure, you may think whatever you’re so afraid of in that moment is totally stupid and not relevant but that doesn’t mean a damn thing. You’ve got to open your heart to that person and be honest, trust me communication is one of the many things you’ll probably never get right in a relationship but that’s exactly why you can’t ever stop doing it and why you can’t ever hide what you’re feeling or put your thoughts aside to spare the other. If the person you’re with can’t take the time to make you feel loved and validated in your fears/thought/emotions, then you’re 100% wasting your time. Your partner is your partner for a reason, and that’s more than likely because you love them and can’t imagine your life without them. So remember all of this, because I forget it every time I need it the most.

Loving yourself isn’t always as easy as they make it seem~

My demon has always been my weight; it’s always “I’m not skinny enough” or “ew, look at my rolls”.  Now, I know I don’t look big when you’re looking at me but what really gets me down is when I’m looking down on my own body. I can see every bump, lump and roll there is from up here and I won’t lie it’s really hard to accept myself for the way that I am sometimes. I’ve read articles about that “extra layer” that some women have on their stomach (I like to call it my poof, some people call it a beer gut but you get the point) is to protect the vital organs down there, but if that’s the case why doesn’t everyone have a poof like mine? I just think that’s plain bullshit man. Not to mention the fact that all of this is the damn pills fault, I was on the Depo shot for almost 4 years and never gained weight until I got back onto the damned pill. That was the Biggest. Mistake. Ever. Now I have an IUD and I’m really hoping that I’ll start losing the weight naturally because honestly I’m so tired of feeling like less than myself because of the number that shows up when I step on a scale. If I had the opportunity to get a free fix for any part of my body it would 100% be my stomach. I love everything else about myself, but I guess there always has to be that one thing, right?!  Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m beautiful, sexy and confident but I know that if I could at least flatten out my stomach a bit I’d feel so much better about myself. I wouldn’t have to hide from my partner because I’m embarrassed. Hell, I would even have sex with the lights on! I’ve tried teas, detox’s, pills, videos, eating better, and going to the gym all of which (of course) aren’t working the way that I want them to. I guess it’ll probably be a never ending struggle because lets be real, I LOVE food and I don’t think I could ever give up what I love for diets. Plus I wouldn’t last 10 minutes dieting. So the way I see the situation at this point is I’d rather die fat and happy than hungry and sad!