Hello December💖

I can’t believe it’s already December, where did this year go? I think I blinked back in January and here we are! Thanksgiving blew by, Christmas is now only a few weeks away with New Years not far behind. For me December is by far the best month of the whole year (besides August because that’s my birth month of course). All the Christmas trees & lights go up, all the families come together to celebrate and the rain comes to top it all off; I just love it all so much! Also, this is the first year I’ve actually lived in the middle of town and get to enjoy all the decorations everyone will be putting up this week💖

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Not to mention the fact that I have way more clothes for winter weather than I do for summer weather (it’s a million times easier to warm up than it is to cool down). Especially scarves, I honestly have more than I know what to do with! But I always see them in stores and can’t resist the colors / patterns I find. They’re definitely my winter weakness, along with boots & booties!! Layering up in the winter has to be the happiest thing in the world to me; you can’t cuddle up by the Xmas tree w/ hot cocoa, cuddles & movies in the summer time! I mean, you probably could but you know what I mean.

Anyways, 2016 was easily the best year I’ve had since I was little. I was blessed with the best man I’ve ever been with, we were able to move out on our own & I finally got out of the job that was making me miserable for so long and moved up to something 100x better. This year was truly great for me, and my life improved 100%; I went from a nervous anxious wreck to an actual human being living with her SO and working an actual 8-5 job! Amazing things can happen in only a year, so don’t ever give up!

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Anxiety consumes me.

Have you ever felt so anxious that you couldn’t breathe? That you couldn’t eat or sleep? Like there’s a 10 pound weight on your chest? I don’t know what triggers it exactly, usually feeling really insecure, but it’s happened for as long as I can remember. It can be extremely debilitating, some days more than others. It ruins plans, dates, trips. When it hits I feel like I can’t move, I almost always cancel plans and stay in bed. I wish I could control it, or atleast avoid the cause completely, but I’m stuck… can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t eat… Unless I get really really lucky and anxiety decides not to visit that day; or slightly less lucky, and it’s mild enough that I can somewhat ignore it.

New addition to MTS!

Big news! As of this morning, I am now a new contributor for MyTrendingStories.com! For anyone who doesn’t know what #MTS is, it is a new and upcoming blogging website. I did a lot of research before deciding to go forward with this after they contacted me via Instagram & email last week and I noticed that a lot of people were very skeptical and a lot of people thought it was great and enjoy it very much; so I decided to give it a try!  I haven’t posted any articles yet (I’m still brand new) but for anyone that wants to follow my journey or check it out I’ll post my link in my “About Me” page!

P.s. I’ll still be primarily posting my rants and thoughts here, I love all the input and kindness I get from all of you! 🙂

Relationships are hard…

The one thing I think everyone (including myself) has yet to learn is that relationships are hard. I’ve had a pretty rough last few days with my SO, and I have to tell you that it takes a lot out of me. My philosophy has always been that you can’t let them see how much the situation is really bothering you, even if it is a lot; and I know that’s terrible advice but if I don’t act invincible then is he really going to take me seriously?

I guess I’m still learning is that if I don’t tell him how I’m feeling there’s no way for him to know; he’s not a mind reader & neither am I. However what I’m struggling with is the part where I actually tell him how I’m feeling, and let’s be honest sometimes he doesn’t want to hear it so I don’t get to; and that’s what’s so hard for me. When he just shuts me down why would I want to continue to try to explain how he’s making me feel? I’m terrible at hiding my feelings… so when I don’t get to share what I feel it slowly eats me alive.

I mean, I like to believe that I’m tough and nobody can hurt me but realistically I wear my heart on my sleeve and it be a blessing or a curse, depending on the situation I’m in. I guess I just have to figure out when it’s time to cage my heart and when it’s time to use it. Balance, communication and trust are key to make this all work out for me, and it looks like I’ve got two out of three down. That’s good though, right?

Who do you think you’re talking to?

You know one of the hardest things about working in customer service is, that’s right you guessed it, the CUSTOMERS. I’ve had everything from a man pointing his finger in my face calling me a b***h, people telling me that I don’t know how to do MY job, to people saying I sound snotty over the phone because I don’t give them the answer they want to hear (which actually happened this morning). Are you kidding me? Who the hell do you think you are to tell me that I sound snotty this morning and have bad customer service? Sir, you’re the one attacking me because I told you NO and you aren’t happy about it. Oh my gosh, people wonder why customer service representatives are so angry all the time, it’s because the customers are a bunch of whiny & entitled a-holes!! It fricken blows my mind. I can’t begin tell you how upset I get when people think they can be disrespectful when I’m the one trying to help them, and the fact that I’m only to stand up for myself to a certain extent because its my job and I have to be a good representative. Believe me, it’s not easy when you work in property management and everyone thinks that the rules don’t apply to them. I definitely won’t let this jerk ruin my day, but come on… get over yourselves people!!

Stressed out

The Holidays are upon us, and I can’t even explain to you how much joy, excitement and stress I have bottled up inside me right now. There’s only one week exactly until Thanksgiving is here with all the yummy food and family time! And only one week and one day until I can decorate my house for CHRISTMAS (if it were socially acceptable I would totally already have it done by now)!! But the one thing that always plagues my holiday season is stressing out over money; every single year this happens to me. I feel like I don’t get to fully enjoy my holiday until Christmas Eve when all my shopping is done, the bills are paid and I’m giving people their gifts and looking at the smiles on their faces (which, by the way, is the only good part about all of the stress). Money is something that I’ve always been constantly stressed out about, and I don’t know how not to be. My whole life is lived on a budget (yes, I understand that that’s usually how your 20’s go) and I feel that I budget pretty well, but it would be so nice to be able to buy the things I actually want to get for the people I love AND be able to pay all my bills, rather than having to buy a cheaper alternative. Now, I know that family doesn’t really care about the gift itself rather than the thought that you’ve put into it, but I would really love to be able to give them all the things they deserve and more without having to worry about whether or not I’ll be able to buy groceries when I’m finished.