happiness is 🔑

Whoa, I just realized recently how long it’s been since I’ve written here or given you guys any kind of update! A lot of things have changed in my life this year, and I mean a lot. They have all been an incredibly positive changes though, thank goodness!

Anyways, I think the last thing I was updating you guys on was my fitness journey, and I’m very happy to announce that I HAVE KICKED ASS 😉 So, I started this trek on January 2nd, weighing 182 pounds (I’m so not proud of that) and as of today, April 17th, I weigh in at a whopping 164 pounds!!!!! That’s a whole 18 pounds people, and that means there’s only 9 pounds until I reach my goal weight! *mind blown* I didn’t think it was something I would ever accomplish, but once I got rid of everything in my life that was making me unhappy the weight has been literally melting off.

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On top of losing all this weight (right before summer I might add), I’ve got a new place with one of my best friends and we’re having a blast together, I have so many trips planned for this year(!), I’ve got an amazing man who shows me my worth 100 times over every single day, and I started going to school again (I mean sometimes I regret that one but it’s positive too, right?)!

I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned in the short 4 months we’ve been in this year is that if you don’t like it, DROP IT. Believe me, I know its a million times easier said than done, and it’s scary as hell but the outcome is absolutely worth it. It’s like taking a 100lb weight off your shoulders and being able to breathe again. If you’re not happy, CHANGE IT… your happiness comes from within yourself, not anything or anyone else!

Slowly but surely (week three update)

I’m not going to lie, I haven’t been doing as well as I’d hoped (as I predicted). I only went to the gym once this last week; mostly because I was just so busy preparing for the holiday. On a positive note however that one time going to the gym really got me back into the healthy mind set (especially after all of the crap I consumed over the last 3 days, lol) and I’ve made quite a few changes to my routine/diet! I am no longer eating bread and have begun drinking smoothies for my lunch instead of sandwiches & chips, I’ve really been keeping up on my food journal (which is now my work out log as well) and have my bf and really close friend helping me reach my weekly goal(s) as well as reading my food journal once a week to help keep me honest and give me tips on what I can change for the next week.

This weeks goal is to go to the gym 3 times, eat better/more snacks between big meals so I don’t need to eat as much for lunch & dinner and to eat more fruits/veggies (little I know, but it’s something right?); and if I don’t complete this weeks goals my punishment (set by my good friend) will be no shopping of any kind for an entire week… gas, groceries, clothes, etc. Talk about motivation, am I right?

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Anyways, I think that having friends involved will really keep my excitement up about all of this. Sharing my accomplishments and new ideas/plans makes me more and more motivated to reach my ultimate goals and they also really keep me positive because all of this change is a lot to get used to! One of my ultimate goals is to be able to be out in a bikini and feel really confident in myself this summer; I haven’t felt like that since I was probably a sophomore in High School, lol. So bear with me, this is going to be a long hard road but I’m really determined to crush this 🙂

The struggle is real… (Week two update)

So today marks one week from the day I declared to be better, and let me tell you it hasn’t exactly been easy. It’s definitely an adjustment and all about attempting little goals and I think I did pretty well for being someone who likes to go home from work and get straight into bed, lol. I worked out a couple times throughout the week (my goal has been at least two-three days a week), and a big triumph for me has been staying away from the goodies! I’ve started taking vitamins every morning, bringing snacks in after lunch (carrots / veggie straws etc) which is a good alternative from the yummy cookies at work. I’ve also been eating about every 3 hours (I read somewhere that it really helps your metabolism?), and I’ve been trying to drink at least 3-4 bottles of water a day, NO SODA / TEA SHELBY (& I know that’s not good enough but it is compared to where I was before!!!).

I’m sure these all seem like really tiny things that I probably should’ve been doing all of this time but achieving all those little things are really big wins for me. Now, I’m not even close to where I want to be yet but I’m hoping with a little discipline over each week, I’ll slowly ease myself into what I want to be. It’s definitely going to take some time but so far with each little win, I feel a little better about the person looking back at me in the mirror 🙂

Today’s the day, week one

Today’s the day that I get really serious about this whole losing weight thing; and to be honest my concern isn’t so much about losing a bunch of weight (although wouldn’t it be nice?) as much as getting off my butt and feeling good about myself. I’ve always struggled with eating things I shouldn’t, feeling gross and down on myself all the time and wanting to get up and be active but not having the motivation to do it every day. It’s going to be different this time though, this time I’ve enlisted my boyfriend as my personal counselor; he’ll be helping make sure that I don’t eat any fast food / too many sweets each day and also in charge of making sure I get in at least 30 minutes of activity a day. Now I realize that there’s only so much he can do and the rest is on me which is why my plan is to go to the gym everyday for at least 30 minutes after work (I mean I work right down the street from it…) or workout at home with him and also to start eating healthier everyday… RESIST THE COOKIES SHELBY.

All I keep thinking about right now is the fact that I want to feel good about myself this summer and not embarrassed about the way that I look, and also the fact that I’m in my sisters wedding next spring and need to look AMAZING in my bridesmaids dress because there’s going to be sooooo many pictures and do I really want to look at myself and think “Ewe”?? I’ve tried this many times before and unfortunately I’ve never been able to stick with it because I lose my motivation. I’ve never cared about what people think of me so I think I’ve let myself go a little bit more than I ever wanted, not that I’m even close to overweight but it’s the fact that I feel so bad about myself lately. SO, today’s the day that I start getting really serious about this, they say it only take four weeks before you start noticing changes in yourself and eight before other people start noticing as well. We’ll see how long I can keep this up!

P.s. I’ll be giving weekly updates and would love to hear any neat weight loss tips & tricks you guys might have for me to try.

Loving yourself isn’t always as easy as they make it seem~

My demon has always been my weight; it’s always “I’m not skinny enough” or “ew, look at my rolls”.  Now, I know I don’t look big when you’re looking at me but what really gets me down is when I’m looking down on my own body. I can see every bump, lump and roll there is from up here and I won’t lie it’s really hard to accept myself for the way that I am sometimes. I’ve read articles about that “extra layer” that some women have on their stomach (I like to call it my poof, some people call it a beer gut but you get the point) is to protect the vital organs down there, but if that’s the case why doesn’t everyone have a poof like mine? I just think that’s plain bullshit man. Not to mention the fact that all of this is the damn pills fault, I was on the Depo shot for almost 4 years and never gained weight until I got back onto the damned pill. That was the Biggest. Mistake. Ever. Now I have an IUD and I’m really hoping that I’ll start losing the weight naturally because honestly I’m so tired of feeling like less than myself because of the number that shows up when I step on a scale. If I had the opportunity to get a free fix for any part of my body it would 100% be my stomach. I love everything else about myself, but I guess there always has to be that one thing, right?!  Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m beautiful, sexy and confident but I know that if I could at least flatten out my stomach a bit I’d feel so much better about myself. I wouldn’t have to hide from my partner because I’m embarrassed. Hell, I would even have sex with the lights on! I’ve tried teas, detox’s, pills, videos, eating better, and going to the gym all of which (of course) aren’t working the way that I want them to. I guess it’ll probably be a never ending struggle because lets be real, I LOVE food and I don’t think I could ever give up what I love for diets. Plus I wouldn’t last 10 minutes dieting. So the way I see the situation at this point is I’d rather die fat and happy than hungry and sad!