An open letter…

*originally posted on my MTS page*

To the dad who left me:

The last memory I have of you is from when I was in 2nd grade, well over 12 years ago now. You were a terrible husband to my mother and a terrible father to me. You left me alone at night to cry on my own while mom worked, unable to fend for myself; you would even close the bedroom door just so that you couldn’t hear me. Was I really that much of a burden? Growing up I always wondered what it takes for a person to be so evil to the people he supposedly loved so much, and for a short time mom even let me talk to you through her email; although back then I hadn’t the slightest clue who you really were. For some reason though I still had the urge to know you, maybe someday you’d want to be apart of our lives again.

Leaving a little girl the way you did really takes a toll, she needs her father. She needs him to help shape her whole life and who she is… he’s her roll model for future relationships, a shoulder to cry on, someone to teach her how to ride a bike and eventually drive a car.

Now I’m 20 years old, now I know who you really are and everything you did back then. Now I want no part of you (unfortunately I have no choice with that one), I don’t want you anywhere near my world or my life and quite honestly if I ever saw you again you would 100% regret trying to come around us, even though I don’t really know what you look like. You don’t deserve a piece of me, or any part of my life; but don’t worry you’ve made it quite clear that you don’t want one anyways.

To the dad who kept me:

You came into my life because of your relationship with mom, and you took me in when you didn’t have to. I wasn’t the most grateful kid, and I know it was harder to raise me because I wasn’t yours; but you loved me the same anyways. You came along and taught me the things a girl needs to know… you showed me how to ride a bike, how to drive, how to change the oil in my car / change a tire and how to never take anything from a man (with moms help of course).  You’re always there for me when I don’t have anywhere else to go, and you’re always there to listen when nobody else wants to; no matter how much I “don’t want to talk about it”.

You’ve been around since I was about four years old, and taken the time to raise me like I was your own. You always push me to be the best I can be, and convince me to do whatever’s going to benefit me most in the end. I know I wasn’t always the most affectionate kid, but now I’m 20 years old and I can appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me and still do for me today.

You came into my life over 16 years go now, you stayed and raised / loved me as your own even though you didn’t have to. You came in and picked up someone else’s slack, even though you didn’t have to. You’re the only father figure I’ve ever actually had in my life and I know I don’t say it enough but I truly appreciate your love, support, time and all that you’ve taught me. You’re more than just my step-father… you’re my dad.