Loving yourself isn’t always as easy as they make it seem~

My demon has always been my weight; it’s always “I’m not skinny enough” or “ew, look at my rolls”.  Now, I know I don’t look big when you’re looking at me but what really gets me down is when I’m looking down on my own body. I can see every bump, lump and roll there is from up here and I won’t lie it’s really hard to accept myself for the way that I am sometimes. I’ve read articles about that “extra layer” that some women have on their stomach (I like to call it my poof, some people call it a beer gut but you get the point) is to protect the vital organs down there, but if that’s the case why doesn’t everyone have a poof like mine? I just think that’s plain bullshit man. Not to mention the fact that all of this is the damn pills fault, I was on the Depo shot for almost 4 years and never gained weight until I got back onto the damned pill. That was the Biggest. Mistake. Ever. Now I have an IUD and I’m really hoping that I’ll start losing the weight naturally because honestly I’m so tired of feeling like less than myself because of the number that shows up when I step on a scale. If I had the opportunity to get a free fix for any part of my body it would 100% be my stomach. I love everything else about myself, but I guess there always has to be that one thing, right?!  Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m beautiful, sexy and confident but I know that if I could at least flatten out my stomach a bit I’d feel so much better about myself. I wouldn’t have to hide from my partner because I’m embarrassed. Hell, I would even have sex with the lights on! I’ve tried teas, detox’s, pills, videos, eating better, and going to the gym all of which (of course) aren’t working the way that I want them to. I guess it’ll probably be a never ending struggle because lets be real, I LOVE food and I don’t think I could ever give up what I love for diets. Plus I wouldn’t last 10 minutes dieting. So the way I see the situation at this point is I’d rather die fat and happy than hungry and sad!

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