A letter to you

I sit at home day in and day out, wondering. Does he miss me, too? But I’m pretty sure I have my answer, and you don’t. Because the thing is, if you did… you wouldn’t use excuse, after excuse, after excuse. We can go days without talking and it doesn’t even affect you. I feel like I don’t even matter; like I’m ugly and worthless, and the best part is that I know that I’m not. I’m a beautiful person with a huge heart and I’m worth more than the gym and more than an Xbox goddamnit. I deserve the sun, the moon, and all the stars. I deserve to go out on a date and not get canceled on for reasons that have nothing to do with me, I deserve endless hugs and kisses without any attitude from you. I know you’re “tired” or “exhausted” but so am I. I can go to work, and the gym and always have time to stop in and say hi. While you can’t even respond to a text message saying “I miss you too”… instead its “I’m sorry I forgot to respond” even 5 hours after. I get it we’re young, we have so much of our lives to live but even that isn’t an excuse. Because believe me I know the difference between a reason and an excuse and when you can still play video games, or go on fishing trips or even go disc golfing, but tell me I’m being “bitchy” when I tell you to get up and give me a kiss goodbye there’s a fucking problem (and I shouldn’t have to tell you to do that in the first place). So I guess what I’m getting at is that I’ve totally lost myself trying to love you. I’m a stranger in your life these days, and that isn’t okay with me. I’m slowly remembering who I am the longer this goes on and believe me when I say I would fight for you until I die, but not if I’m fighting alone. The worst thing you could ever do is let someone get comfortable with treating you wrong, and as much as it kills me… I love you but I won’t accept being treated less than what I should be.

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